I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
