great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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