Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
