I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
