Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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