With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
