if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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