Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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