She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
