u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
