she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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