i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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