Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize