I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
