You're my little dorito
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's official drugs can't kill me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
