It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
