She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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