If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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