6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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