She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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