you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize