please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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