It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
