I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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