Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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