I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
