yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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