HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
