my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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