Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
