found the other keg... it's in the tree
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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