Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
