pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
