I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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