how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
