hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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