i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize