I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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