Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
