i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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