what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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