The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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