so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Only a mothe r could love this liver
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
