i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
