we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
