after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
