before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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