Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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