You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
