my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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