Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
