His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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