My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
