non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We left the knife in your bed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
