she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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