The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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