Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
