if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you never un-have a 4some
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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