Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
